Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
