This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
