i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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