Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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