I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
