Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
