i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
