I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
