shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
