my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
