I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
