Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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