He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
