You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
