Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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