Got a toothbrush?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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