we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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