What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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