i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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