My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
