Cold hands, warm shart.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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