i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I need moral support for this bender
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
