Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am one with the molecules
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
