Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
