Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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