Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
