AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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