this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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