Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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