I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
