why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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