"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I touched a dick in church today
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
