I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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