Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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