11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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