PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
