I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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