why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
