I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
