some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
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