I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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