I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
