It's like God shit irony all over that family
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
