I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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