today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
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