If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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