yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
