wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
