and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
its liver damage thursday
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
