Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
