I CAN MOONWALK!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
