So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
