I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
