Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
