I am full of burrito and curiosity
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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