ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
