I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
