im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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