We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
