My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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