I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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