Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
