I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize