you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
