i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
