the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize