i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
