I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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