I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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