We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
