What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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