So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
