he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
