I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
