his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I touched a dick in church today
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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