Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We are two peas in an std pod
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
