don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I AM VODKA MAN
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
