you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
BRING THE BAGELS
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
